i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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