forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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