6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
