THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
