How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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