people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I will be naked everywhere
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
