And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
