like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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