Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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