So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
