i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
