He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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