these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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