We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
