Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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