so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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