Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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