So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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