Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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