Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
