Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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