the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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