Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
