my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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