i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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