mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
