are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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