Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
