OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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