I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
