we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize