ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
