I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
