Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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