Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
