whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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