The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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