i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
