there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize