My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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