Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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