its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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