I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
