now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
