and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
