i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
