I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
