Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
