So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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