"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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