I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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