Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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