She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
