I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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