im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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